My husband tells me I “double up” on words. I often have an extra qualifier in my sentences, like, “an extra qualifier.” It finally dawned on me why. “Every word needs a friend,” I told him. “Just like we each need someone at our back.”
Words are like stuffing. They fill me. (I left off the “up” at the end of “fill me” because I was feeling full in the moment.)
What does it mean to be full? Our stomachs lie if we’re feeling anxious or worried. For example, I ate too much over the holidays, even though I had a good time. Anticipation and habits die hard.
I can convince myself that I’m still hungry when my conscience is telling me I should have written that letter, or prepared better for the tough conversation with a family member. Yet, when I get to the ocean and smell the balsam firs, I feel full even if I haven’t eaten for seven hours.
To be full is to feel we have enough, that we are enough, and that in this present moment we lack for nothing.
At the end of each year I like to think of a word that will be my focus or theme for the next 365 days. This year, my word is “presence;” not the kind that I tear the paper off of, or write a thank you letter for. Presence with a “c” is the kind that stops me in my tracks with wonder, calm, or stillness.
I will practice presence every day. Perhaps I will even learn how to spell it correctly! (I usually put an “s” where the second “c” goes.) Despite this simple theme, I will occasionally let a small, extra word tag along, for good company. You never know when you’ll need a qualifier.
Here’s wishing each of you a very happy and healthy New Year.
What’s your word for 2015?