I was sick with a virus last week. It made my brain fuzzy but I kept fighting my need to rest. Surrender does not come easily.

The first day of my not feeling well, I spent all day in bed at a friend’s house in southern Vermont, preparing a book talk while blowing my nose. I rallied for the talk and crashed after returning home. For the next two days I could not get out of bed. I haven’t been sick in two years, so I was not accustomed to lying still. I felt guilty that I was not doing emails, answering phone calls or writing my blog post. But I simply couldn’t think.

I resisted sleep by reading, worrying, trying in vain to do my Lumosity brain training, and thinking about how much I missed my cat Rusty. He knew how to sleep, and would have been on my bed, purring. His loss did not help my mood. I was a pain to be around.

Finally, Paul brought me an iPod with the playlist I had made for him in the hospital and said, coaxingly, “It’s very relaxing. Why don’t you enjoy it for a while? Surrender. It will help.” I looked at him as if he were speaking Latin. I never took Latin and I didn’t understand this word “surrender” any better than “cacoethes scribendi,” (which I just learned means “insatiable desire to write”). I took the ear buds and plugged myself in.

Ten minutes into my surrender, staring up at the orchid Paul and I were given upon our return from the hospital, my younger son called to see how I was feeling. I said a nasal “not so well,” and he told me how it might help me to ask for what I needed more directly. We had a sweet conversation for about 15 minutes. Soon after I hung up I noticed that I was feeling better. My brain started to work again. I got up gingerly and made myself a cup of tea. Within an hour of the moment I first surrendered to my cold, it was gone. Surrendering turned out to be all that was required.

What do you need to surrender to?

What ways do you put up resistance? 

This entry was posted in Eileen's Armchair, Personal Growth and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Surrendering

  1. Elaine Naddaff says:

    Hi Eileen,
    I hope you are feeling better, today and just about ready to think about spring and summer plans. Being sick is overwhelming. One must be practical and realize that it is “wise” to consult with a doctor. Of course I assume you took that “measure”…
    “THE SINUS” is a lioness,
    relentless with the tigress,
    be it in the head, or on your nose !!!!
    Paul did the right thing, giving you a headset of music. Your younger son should have called and he did !!!! What about your oldest son?

    When I am sick I wish my Dad would make his cold remedy–the non alcoholic hot tody and I think of a few of my mother’s wise words to me, like “You need to write”.

    Even though I was a National Latin Scholar in high school, I can NOT remember how to say I send my wishes for a speedy recovery in Latin. However, I do remember how to say “Good Luck” in arabic– is that sufficient????!!!!

    You need the warm sun… All the best, Elaine

  2. Phyll says:

    Why is “surrender” such a difficult concept for most of us? What does it mean? To lose part of one’s Self? (probably the ego—so, good riddance!) Glad to hear Paul’s comforting message and soothing music helped. We all need support, lightness of Being. Beauty, art, music, animals and Nature usually do it for me; get me out of my funk, into the evolutionary imperative of the time and heal whatever’s ailing me. Sounds like they do for you, too. Rest easy, sweet Eileen. Rest and realize the warmth and love that surrounds you . . . always . .

    • Actually, I think that surrendering does not mean losing our selves but helps us find our selves. Surrendering to what is allows us to be present. That is the present of presence! Hugs to you.

    • Sandman Sand says:

      Yes, to be surrendering is scary. Letting yourself go to something is hard.

      I believe it is our egos that make it hard. But we learn so much when we do. Letting go of our egos relieves us of that stress that is controlling our lives.

      It feels good to be right, and not so good to be wrong. It feels good to be powerful, and not so good to be powerless.

      But is that really what’s going on? Are we being powerless when we surrender?

      Are we being wrong when we surrender?

      That’s what my ego would like to tell me.

      But often times my ego is wrong. And if my ego is wrong, why do I hold onto it for so long?

      Why do I keep falling victim to its power?

      • eileenrockefeller says:

        We need the ego to survive. We can thank it and then tell it if this is the moment it is needed. If not, give it something else to worry about!

  3. Marty Walker Vint says:

    Hi Eileen. Glad you are feeling better. My best to you

  4. Thanks Marty. Hearing from someone I don’t know gives me joy in knowing how many more good people there are in the world that are helping together to make this world a better place. Thanks for you concern. It means a lot. And I’m fine now!!! I hope you are well too.

Comments are closed.