I was sick with a virus last week. It made my brain fuzzy but I kept fighting my need to rest. Surrender does not come easily.
The first day of my not feeling well, I spent all day in bed at a friend’s house in southern Vermont, preparing a book talk while blowing my nose. I rallied for the talk and crashed after returning home. For the next two days I could not get out of bed. I haven’t been sick in two years, so I was not accustomed to lying still. I felt guilty that I was not doing emails, answering phone calls or writing my blog post. But I simply couldn’t think.
I resisted sleep by reading, worrying, trying in vain to do my Lumosity brain training, and thinking about how much I missed my cat Rusty. He knew how to sleep, and would have been on my bed, purring. His loss did not help my mood. I was a pain to be around.
Finally, Paul brought me an iPod with the playlist I had made for him in the hospital and said, coaxingly, “It’s very relaxing. Why don’t you enjoy it for a while? Surrender. It will help.” I looked at him as if he were speaking Latin. I never took Latin and I didn’t understand this word “surrender” any better than “cacoethes scribendi,” (which I just learned means “insatiable desire to write”). I took the ear buds and plugged myself in.
Ten minutes into my surrender, staring up at the orchid Paul and I were given upon our return from the hospital, my younger son called to see how I was feeling. I said a nasal “not so well,” and he told me how it might help me to ask for what I needed more directly. We had a sweet conversation for about 15 minutes. Soon after I hung up I noticed that I was feeling better. My brain started to work again. I got up gingerly and made myself a cup of tea. Within an hour of the moment I first surrendered to my cold, it was gone. Surrendering turned out to be all that was required.
What do you need to surrender to?
What ways do you put up resistance?